You sign up and commence a search that will allow you to only enter basic criteria: preferred age range and location.
Click submit. Your screen fills with several faceless profiles of people in your selected area. Unlike traditional dating sites, you can’t tell if someone is “fun-loving” or “enjoys long walks on the beach.” Not yet. Instead, each profile lists “Insecurities,” “Weaknesses,” “Bad Habits,” “Health Issues,” “Jail Time: Yes/No” and “What My Ex Would Say About Me.”
You scroll past confessions ranging from gay tendencies to chronically broke to extremely low libido. It is not until you click on a set of flaws you can handle that you can view photos, education level, occupation, etc.
This Web site, if it ever exists outside my imagination, would be called something like TotalHonesty.com, FlawsandAll.com, BypasstheRepresentative.com, etc.
This funky concept took root in my brain a few years ago after running across this passage in Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand:
If you tell a beautiful woman that she is beautiful, what have you given her? It’s no more than a fact and it cost you nothing. But if you tell an ugly woman that she is beautiful, you offer her the great homage of corrupting the concept of beauty. To love a woman for her virtues is meaningless. She’s earned it, it’s a payment, not a gift. But to love her for her vices is a real gift, unearned and undeserved. To love her for her vices is to defile all virtue for her sake—and that is a real tribute of love, because you sacrifice your conscience, your reason, your integrity and your invaluable self-esteem.The argument struck me as so profound that I immediately set the book down and began a poem called, "Unconditional."
The character’s point in this passage is one that is undeniably honest. My take on it is this: It’s not the virtues that make you stay; it’s the willingness to accept the vices. In other words, we stay in relationships not because of how great our partners are, but because we are willing to deal with and accept their issues. If we are not willing to deal, we bounce.
Okay, so people leave bad relationships because they’re bad. Duh. Yes. But, human nature persuades us to cast an unforgiving, all encompassing shadow of triflin’ on folks when a relationship goes sour much in the manner that Kool-Aid takes over a pitcher of water. We assume “bad” to be an absolute. That a bad relationship, a bad marriage, a bad boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband exists in the total and complete absence of “good.”
Due to this lapse of rationale in human nature, there’s an excellent possibility that the good attributes that originally attracted one person to another are still intact, even when matters have gone downhill.
Allow me to play Frankenstein for a minute. Let’s create a man built like LL Cool J (hello!), intelligent as Cornell West (alright now!), and wealthy as Bill Gates (yessir!). Sounds like a great guy--and he is--except for one thing. He’s (fill in the flaw of your choice…I’ll use “a workaholic.”). He’s away from home 22 days a month on business and doesn’t call as much as I like. I need attention. I’m lonely. I leave.
Is the man not still good-looking, intelligent, and wealthy? Certainly. All of the attributes that attracted me to him are still there, but I can’t deal with his inattentiveness.
It's the unfavorable aspects that force people to walk out on relationships, regardless of the favorable aspects remaining in place. I have yet to hear a woman complain that she dumped her man because he had too much money, or a man complaining that his woman is too fine or too nurturing.
Conclusion: The good things just don’t matter. A good man isn’t hard to find and a good woman isn’t hard to find, it’s finding a man or woman whose issues you can deal with.
There’s something rattling in everybody’s closet. We’ve all got our baggage, our issues, our hang-ups. Yet we spit-shine ourselves, step into the world putting our best foot forward, praying we can impress someone by our representative so much so that he or she will overlook our mess.
Yet at the end of the day, the mess is the deciding factor. Not the merit.
So as I browse the candidates on TheRealnessContinues.com, candidates are viewing my profile as well. They can't see my caramel skin, full lips, and curvy figure, nor are they privy to my bachelors degrees, silly sense of humor, or accomplishments. They have no idea that I'm reasonably intelligent and that I enjoy live entertainment and traveling.
But they'll know that I've got procrastination down to a science. They'll know that I snore, and that I'm easily distracted, which is why I often don't answer my phone. They'll know that on any given day there are dishes in my sink and clothes littering the bedroom floor.
And several of them will scroll right past.