Saturday, September 26, 2009

Men Don’t Have These Kinds of Problems

"A while ago a friend and I were conversing about kids and what we would name them. So I reluctantly shared and she shared as well. This person is now pregnant and has stolen my baby name. Should I be offended?”

- My homegirl “Jayla”

I remember the look of horror on Charlotte’s face in Sex and the City when she discovered her friend had stolen Charlotte’s made up baby name.

It’s one of those situations that can seem petty on its face, like being mad at the chick in the party wearing the same dress. But if the chick went shopping with you to buy your dress, then what was once a petty situation has turned into downright deception.

And so, the baby name conundrum. Dreaming up baby names is as certain for women as imagining our wedding day. Every woman, childfree or not, has a baby name or two in the back of her mind--for a boy and a girl.

So I understand Jayla’s resentment. After all, she can’t go naming her future child the same name, particularly if it’s a unique name. The other woman’s baby would be first and people would think my friend stole the name. Then the friendship is all strained because my friend surely doesn’t want to be cooing and goo goo ga ga-ing at Baby ____, when ______ is the name she envisioned for her own child.

Some might say, “What’s the big deal, pick another name.” Well, names are no small matter. A name is a person’s first stamp of identity. Yet, if the friend does keep the name, then someday Jayla will have to either choose the same name or pick another. She may even discover one she likes more than the original.

But the principal of the matter is that Jayla’s trust was betrayed. Ripping off a baby’s name is no different than using privileged information to steal clients. While both are legal and non-life threatening, it’s shady business.


spchrist said...

I wouldn't end a friendship over a baby name. Give your baby the same name or just pick another name.

Delect said...

I would probably get over it, but I have to admit, the friendship would be a little strained for a while. I can't think of a male equivalent to this issue, but it really is something disappointing...

Rose said...

I wonder what was going on in the other friend's mind as she named her baby the name she knew her friend had chosen for her future kid? She had to have known it wouldn't be cool. And its not like she made this decision over night. Us mommies have our baby's name picked out and ready by the 8 month of pregnancy, if not sooner. So when she realized that she really like the name and was going to name her child that why didnt she talk to her friend first.

I'm just saying. Definitely agree with you Delect.

Delect said...

Good point, Rose. This is not an overnight decision! And from what I understand, the name is fairly unique, not like Mary or Tameka or something.