Check out the Find You, Find Love post for context.
17. Does the idea of being married to the same person for the rest of your life sound appealing to you or not so appealing? What is it about it that you especially like or not like?
Even though my parents divorced and most of the married couples I know closely would rather be on the moon than in their marital unions, I still find it appealing.
What I find most appealing is being able to love and do for a man without (in theory) worrying about his motives and true feelings.
It means being “all in,” which you can't do with every Ronnie, Ricky, and Mike. When you're single and dating, you have to watch your back. And while dating can be fun, it incurs a heaping dose of caution. It's riding a bike with a helmet and knee pads, swimming with a life vest. You can never truly let your guard down.
So yeah, I do look forward to being in a relationship where I can give all of me and not worry about feeling stupid because he doesn't feel the same way.
[Delect Inject: Okay, just feel the need to say this. I'm aware that husbands make wives feel stupid too. And yes, I know marriage is not a walk in the park. No rose-colored glasses here, folks (see first sentence of this column).]
What I especially don't like about the idea of being married is for a man to feel obligated to be with me.
I'm not into making people do what they don't want to do, whether it's loaning me money or giving me a ride. (That's why I sucked at telemarketing.) I'm quick to say, "You know what? Don't worry about it," if I detect too much hesitation. Maybe it's pride.
When it comes to relationships, I've grown to the point where if the other party is no longer interested, I won't stand in his way to leave. I just don't feel I need to force someone to be with me.
"And I don't want to make you unhappy/If you're not happy than you're free to go on/'Cause I don't want you stayin' around/If I make you so miserable."
-Fantasia "Free Yourself"
I don't want a man sticking around because he fears I'm going to burn up his clothes, scratch up his car, slice off his penis, or worse, kill him or myself. In other words, I'd try to make it as smooth as possible for him to exit if that is his wish.
By no means am I saying I can't work through problems. People that know me know I'm as diplomatic and let's-sit-down-and-talk-about-our-feelings-Dr. Phil-style as they come. It's a Libra thing.
But in the event my husband resigns to staying in the marriage out of obligation...because he doesn't believe in divorce or because of the kids or for any other reason besides the love he has for me...I'd have to seriously overhaul my mentality to deal with that.