His ex-fiancee calls every day.
"She thinks of me as her best friend," he said. So much of a best friend, I guess, that she regales him with tales of hooking up with other guys.
"Something's up with that," I said to my friend. "There's more to her telling you all her business than friendship."
The question of whether men and women can just be friends is as old as questioning the meaning of life. I believe you can communicate with an ex, keep in touch, and really just be cool...but every day? I mean, what's she really doing?
Could be a combination of a couple things. One -- she's getting off on it. Sharing the details of her sex life is a great way to throw up in his face that other men find her desirable. Then she disguises it as, "Oh we're buddies and I tell him everything," while she's getting way more satisfaction out of sharing these stories than he is.
If the girl isn't straight-up shady like that, then she could just be selfish, and may not even realize it. She needs an outlet, needs to vent, and knows he'll sit there and listen, even if he's torn up inside.
Why doesn't he just tell her to stop calling?
----- asks the person who's never been in love, never been in a situation where a man or a woman has a hold on you so bad that you'll listen to what you don't want to just for the opportunity to hear the sound of his or her voice.
Maybe it's not shadiness or selfishness. Maybe it's a case of two souls wandering in the purgatory of love lost. They're both getting something out of this constant communication; they're both able to keep holding on to a little piece of what used to be.
Lo and behold, a blast from the past today helped it all make sense. I was listening to the Stevie Wonder station on Pandora when an old song played that I've heard a thousand times and never honestly paid that much attention to. But this time, the lyrics spoke to me, breaking down this situation in a way only the old school lyricists can...
"Set me free, why don't cha babe
Get out of my life, why don't cha babe
'Cause you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin' on"
"You claim you still care for me
But your heart and soul needs to be free
Now that you've got your freedom
You wanna still hold on to me
You don't want me for yourself
So let me find somebody else"
Why do you keep a comin' around
Playin' with my heart?
Why don't you get out of my life
And let me make a new start?
Let me get over you
The way you've gotten over me."
There's so much complexity and contradiction in this one line alone, that it encapsulates the whole song:
Get out of my life, why don't cha babe.
The song is essentially saying I can't shut this down. I can't ignore you. If you call, I'm picking up. If you come by, I'll stop what I'm doing. I cannot help but to be involved with you -- on whatever level you're willing to be involved with me. Whether it's good for me or not. So I'm begging, pleading...save me from myself.
Set me free.
[I was yearning to hear "You Keep Me Hangin' on" again. The song was originally recorded by The Supremes in 1966 and the version I heard on Pandora was Aretha's rendition, which I actually prefer to The Supremes. But holy moly, did I find a version that tops them both! The desperation is palpable from the first verse. Don't be thrown off by the name of the group...or the organ at the beginning. These cats are jammin'.]