Friday, May 23, 2014

The Way We Were: It Matters How You Treat Your Ex

So who’s going to date V. Stiviano now?


Unless you’ve been on a media fast the last two months, you’re well aware of L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s ex-girlfriend who recording him making some seriously appalling comments. And you’ve probably participated in, read or watched discussions about Sterling’s bigotry and illogical rants.


That’s not what I’m here to talk about.


I’m talking about, who walks into a relationship with V. Stiviano now, given this situation? Not the mistress part, not the sugar daddy part. But the part where she was involved with a man, on some level, for four years, and recorded their private conversations to be used against him.


Let me first say, I’m okay with Sterling's thoughts on race coming out. It’s good for the team, the league, and all of us to know. It adds to the continued discourse on race in this country. Again, what I’m curious about is not the subject matter of the conversations, but the recording of them by someone who this man was supposed to be involved with and probably cared about. It takes a certain kind of individual to smile in someone’s face for years, while plotting to take this person down.


And Stiviano isn’t the only one who’s been airing private dirty laundry recently. Columbus Short posted a video of his wife in a fight. Kevin Hart’s wife is telling the world he cheated. Floyd Mayweather made comments about his ex’s plastic surgery.


It’s not just celebrities behaving badly. All you have to do is take a look at your Facebook timeline and see folks dragging their exes in status updates. Even if you think you’re being discreet by not mentioning names, we all know who you’re talking about (and admit it, you want us to.).


For some people, cheating is the worst thing you can do in a relationship. For me, telling my business might top that.


There is no statute of limitations or exceptions when it’s cool to share sensitive information I shared with you in confidence, publicly. In other words, just because you’re mad or you don’t agree or approve or we had a bad breakup or whatever the case -- doesn't mean you are justified in putting me on blast in a public forum. Nor will I do it to you.


Why? Relationships come and go. As much as you'd like to think your boo, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, baby mama, baby daddy is going to be sitting next to you on the porch when you're old and gray, these things often run their courses, despite our best intentions.


Getting involved with someone is a risk that most of us go ahead and take in hopes that we've found The One -- or at least something worthwhile. So if I take the risk to see where this goes with you, I need to know if things go sour, we’re both mature enough to move on without marring each other’s reputation.


Yes, he may have done something crazy. Yes, maybe she was dead wrong. But the fact that you felt it appropriate to announce it to all your and his or her friends, frankly, says something about you. It also should make a wise person reconsider dating you.


You can't drag your ex through the mud...without getting some mud on yourself.

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